The Little Black Ledger: On Being Discovered and Returning to Hiding

I’ve been toying with how to approach this post for, literally, months. I apologize for my silence, but there’s a reason for it.

I was outed.

I don’t wish to go too deep into the details, but essentially, I received an anonymous e-mail from a “concerned citizen” that said, in summary, “Your name is [x]. Ashley’s name is [y]. Tell her the truth, or I will.”

It’s a harrowing sensation, being discovered like that, but really, what more should I have expected?  Since I began this blog, I have received a lot of support and met some wonderful people, but the vast majority of feedback I have received has been decidedly negative. Accusations, incriminations, and outright threats of violence at times. None of those things bothered me much, and I took them in stride. But this was different, mainly because they had obviously worked out who I am, and were threatening to give all of this to Ashley.

Like I said, I expected to get a fair bit of flak for what I wrote, as people tend to get really uptight about matters of sexuality and infidelity (sigh). And I should have expected to deal with this, because when you put things like this out in the public eye, surely someone is going to pick up on things. Hell, a truly dedicated and jilted person with a modicum of computer savvy can track you down with relatively little effort. So it shouldn’t be surprising that this happened. But, it was.

And, in a way, this is rather what I get for breaking my own rules. I’ve written before about how important it is to cover your tracks well, to plan for any possible complication, and to leave no loose ends. This blog is, essentially, one massive loose end. It’s the little black ledger from so many gangster movies, the one thing that, if the prosecutor got a hold of it, would guarantee a conviction. I tried to keep this anonymous, but clearly, nothing is perfect.

I’ve been torn as to how best to deal with it. I’ve toyed with various responses and reactions. But I have decided that the best course of action is to simply put an end to it. Time to shut this thing down and do something different.

I broke my own rules because I needed an outlet. I’ll miss the writing and the honesty that this forum provides, but mostly, I’ll miss the community. I started this so that I could maybe meet people similar to myself. I certainly found that in so many of you, and I consider myself lucky to have met the people who I’ve corresponded with for so long. You’re all wonderful people, and I wish nothing but the best for all of you. You’ll still be able to reach me through my e-mail (which I haven’t checked in a  while because of this whole debacle).

Take care, everyone. It’s been fun.