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Another weekend camping trip (this time with colleagues from the university).  Two manuscripts submitted for publication.  Two new projects in the works.  Four years of movement data cleaned up and analyzed.  Buuuuuuuuuuusy busy busy.

Amidst the sea of responsibilities, and for the first time in about a week, I somehow remembered to check my e-mail account associated with this blog.  Seems my last couple of posts have struck a chord with several of my readers, as well as a few passersby, because the inbox was chock full of messages from people.  Some of them expressed support and anticipation for what’s to come.  Others were concerned that I might be putting myself at too much risk with Marian the Librarian.  (Who is not, actually, a librarian.)  But, as per the usual, most accused me of manipulating and using her to my own selfish ends.

Seriously, do my fellow bloggers in this sexy little circle not get the outpouring of nasty hate mail I receive?  If not, I wonder what it is about my blog that inspires so much venom.  I could certainly point to the fact that I’m describing my many marital indiscretions, but I know of other male-authored blogs doing the same thing, and I’ve never heard them comment on angry e-mails.  And the women, well… guys like promiscuous women, so I can’t see them getting the same response that I do.

So what is it about my particular blog that gets so many people riled up?  I’d love to hear what you think, readers.  Perhaps I can deemphasize those elements and reduce the hate mail.  (Or, more likely, I can focus on them and really piss off the populace.   I think that’s a little more my style.)

In the meantime, I figure it’s time, once again, for a public e-mail and rejected comment response.  If the influx of comments continues, I may have to make this a regular installment.  It might even get its own category.  Once again, names are omitted to protect the author’s identities.

Comment:  This Marian situation seems like trouble.  I’m worried about you, Bi.

Please don’t be.  I recognize, at all times, that my behavior is more than a little risky.  Regardless of whatever steps I may take to prevent being discovered, there’s always that chance.  Granted, Marian is… I dunno how to say it.  She’s uncertain about our developing relationship.  And that uncertainty may lead her to do something drastic if she feels unfulfilled or guilty.  It’s possible.  But I accept that as a possible outcome of the solution I’ve chosen to resolve the lack of marital intimacy.

To those of you who expressed your concern, I thank you wholeheartedly, and I truly appreciate that you care enough to worry about my well-being.  But don’t lose any sleep over it.  Come what may, I will survive.  I always do.

Comment:  How can you say that being happy in marriage is a bad thing?  I’m blissfully happy with my spouse, and it’s wonderful.  You’re obviously not happy, otherwise you wouldn’t say that.

You’re only partially right.  I’m not unhappy with my marriage.  I’m just bored, and a few disagreements now and again would go a long way toward making things more interesting.  It’s the lack of sex with Ashley that I’m unhappy with, and that alone isn’t enough to make me dissatisfied with the marriage as a whole.  It is, however, enough to make my genitals long for new and exotic locales.

Comment:  Marian sounds just like me: a little insecure, lonely, and looking for someone to care about her.  The fact that you’re using her loneliness to get laid is absolutely despicable, and that you’re married on top of it makes you the lowest form of life.


I’m not using Marian.  At least, I don’t think so.  I’ve been honest with her from the get-go.  She knows who and what I am, and that we don’t have any long-term romantic prospects.  Even if I were to leave Ashley, I wouldn’t pursue something long-term with Marian because of the way we began our interaction.  She knows this, because I’ve told her as much.  And she seems to have accepted that.

Based on my interactions with Marian, she’s nothing like you describe.  She’s quite strong-willed, independent, and comfortable in her lifestyle.  She doesn’t like being attracted to me, but she is, and she’s decided to let herself go and see what happens with us.  If that means I’m using her, then, well… I suppose I’m using her, which would indeed make me a despicable person.  But I don’t interpret our interaction that way.  I’m sorry that you do.

By the way, have you ever considered going to therapy?  Pseudo-scientific quackery if you ask me, but your self-image is so negative that seeking help might be beneficial.  Just sayin’.

Comment:  Real men don’t cheat.

On the contrary.  Real men cheat all the time.  Men who don’t cheat, according to recent surveys, are surprisingly rare, and seem to be most abundant in Meg Ryan movies.

Comment:  “Cumming on a girl’s shaved head looks like a Pollock painting.”  You’re disgusting.

But it’s true!!

Comment:  You hardly ever write erotica anymore.  I want to hear the juicy details!!

Yeah, sorry about that.  I’m rather self-conscious about my writing as it is, and I think that my attempts at describing sex are crude and ham-fisted.  I lack Gillian’s and Hyacinth’s sexual vocabulary and linguistic creativity.  (They’re sort of my heroes.)  But maybe I’ll write something more stimulating soon.

That’s all for now, dear readers.  Got to get back to the pile of data sitting on my desk.  Those GPS collars aren’t gonna upload themselves.



  1. Bi … I love you dear. Take care of yourself, however, stop putting your writing down. You are quite eloquent and lyrical in your style. I’d be honored to have some of your work … just sayin.


  2. You have an excellent style of writing, and I quite enjoy the male viewpoint. About the hate mail: I get plenty, especially since I broke the news that I have a boyfriend. I always answer in private, and they get more than a “fuck off” if it’s well thought out or witty enough. So you’re not alone, and keep writing, please. I do love seeing a new post from you.

    Xox Fatal

    • ^_^ Thank you Fatal!! You’re welcome to send some of the nasty people toward my blog; I’ll be happy to have a conversation with them!

  3. Dear Bimodal, first, glad you’re not dead in a rainforest somewhere; second, you’re full of shit re: your writing. You inspire me!; and third, I get comments telling me to honor myself and go for long runs and dump TN (which I post and then discuss openly). No hate mail yet, but I haven’t talked much about the men I’m involved with that are either married or committed, yet (there are 3/4). Let’s see what happens after that. xx Hy

    • Ha! Thanks Hy. No, I’m not dead in the field. I’m dead in my office, buried under a mountain of GPS collars and data sheets that need to be entered into a spreadsheet before they can be analyzed. I’m so busy I’m lucky I can keep my head above water.

      And, personally, I’m eagerly awaiting more juicy details regarding the other interactions.

  4. I hate that you get hate mail – why are these people reading your stuff in the first place?! That being said, I loooove your responses to them…

    And your writing is excellent! I enjoy all of your posts…but your sexually explicit posts cause a very physical reaction – in my book, that’s a sign of a well-written piece…

    • Thanks Michaela! I have no idea why people read my blog and then feel the need to put so much hate on it. I reject it all on sheer principal, but damn is it discouraging at times. But, at other times it’s funny as hell (e.g., the Pollock comment). Thanks for the encouragement, as always!!

  5. I think Pollock used a little more contrast in color – but the forms are certainly similar!

    Your writing is fine. Well spoken, clear voice, concise – but I’m an engineer so I appreciate that part of it.

    Seems some folks haven’t read the whole “Marian the Librarian” (Candice, right?) story – or they missed details. I never saw where you coerced her into doing anything. You told her your status and left the decisions to her. It’s not like you grossly misrepresented your intentions. Some folks are so quick to judge.

    • I think it’s the general hyperconservative approach to sexuality that most people have. They can’t fathom someone who willingly cheats on a spouse they claim to love, because they’re “incapable” of such a thing. (Hogwash, if you ask me.) I could be totally offbase with that observation, but something about it has certainly ignited the ire of many a blogger.

      And, by the way, thanks for the comment, and welcome. Always nice to have another scientist around.

  6. I’m totally jumping in here, but I would read “I’m worried about you” as “I’m turned on by you and I’m trying to find a way to interact with you” and I’d read “I’m worried about Marian” as “I really wish I was Marian so I could be hit on by you.” And I’ve noticed that the “blissfully happy” don’t typically troll blogs like yours. Or mine.
    Good luck with those collars.
    I’ve got zoo keeping duties…

    • Ha! Yeah, this. Oh, and I’m worried about you…;)

      • You may worry about me as much as you like, darling. I’ll do the same. 😉

    • Well, some of the “I’m worried about you” comments are, I’m sure, quite genuine. Though admittedly, I find the notion that these sentiments actually mask deeper attraction to me… to be exceedingly appealing. But, then again, I’m a perpetually sexually frustrated man with a deep-seated desire to make love to and please every woman in the world. Casanova for the digital age.

      Or maybe I’m just a narcissist.

      • I don’t think “Casanova for the digital age” and narcissist have to be mutually exclusive… 😉 I’m glad Hy turned me on to you.

      • She turns me on in general. She has that effect on people. 😉

  7. that sucks. Those are stupid emails. i kinda hate being married, anyone who is blissfully happy being married probably doesn’t even care about their husband, he is just a prop. She probably looks like that lady I saw who kept bragging about her husband buying her patio furniture? Srsly? She looked like a stack of pink donuts. Her husband is probably cheating on her right now and feels bad so he is buying ugly patio furniture. I never want to be that person

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