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This happened approximately 15 minutes prior to the time this was posted.  I can’t make this shit up.


“I know I have a low average in this class, but I really need a high grade on the final.”

I sit behind my desk, gazing over my reading glasses at the young, ponytailed co-ed seated across from me.  She looks awkward, excessively inflated in her faux-down pink North Face coat, with a head too tiny for her exaggerated torso.  That’s why I hate those “puffy” jackets–they remove all shape from the female form.  Hers looks particularly ridiculous coupled to her black yoga pants and puffy pink overboots, and the lack of a feminine physique renders her otherwise average appearance slightly more unattractive than she likely deserves.  It’s the very definition of trying too hard to fit in.

I look down at the grade sheet I printed for her.  It’s a sea of C’s and D’s, with more missing grades than letters.  She’s obviously not put any effort into this course, and has waited until the end of the semester to actually give a damn about it.  She has no hope, but I have to be political.

“Well,” I tentatively begin, “I’m seeing a lot of missing grades here.  Is there any reason you missed so many of these?”

“Honestly?  I was drinking a lot this semester.”  She puts on her most self-deprecating smile.  “You know how it is, right?”

“Not really,” I answer flatly.  “Well, it’s not looking very promising.  Your average is just too low right now.  Have you considered retaking the class next semester?”

“Oh I can’t!” she says, clearly dismayed.  “This is my last semester, and I’m applying to medical school!”

Sure wouldn’t want you operating on me, I want to say.  Instead, I say, “Well, I’m afraid it doesn’t look like you’ll be able to do that.  Your grades just aren’t high enough to get a passing final grade in this class, short of earning a perfect score on the final exam.  I know how badly you want to graduate, but maybe you should consider giving this one more semester?”

She’s quiet for a moment, then she says quietly, “Please.”  She leans forward, looks me straight in the eye, and says, “I will do anything to pass this class.”

The finality of that statement hangs in the air around us.  She keeps looking into my eyes.  I know precisely what she means.  But I can’t believe what she’s offering.

More importantly, I can’t believe I’m considering it.  But my erection doesn’t discriminate based on student status.

After a moment, I sigh and rub my temple with my thumb.  “Look, I’m sure you would be willing to do all the extra credit possible, and I’m sure you would redo the assignments you missed, if I asked.  But there’s just not enough time for you to do them all.”

“No, I’m telling you I will do any–”

“And I’m telling you,” I interject forcefully, “that there is absolutely nothing more I can do, or would be willing to do, to help you in this matter.”  I stand up, move to my office door, and open it wide.  “I encourage you to study hard for the exam and hope for that 100%.  Otherwise, spend some time thinking about your future, what you want from it, and what you can reasonably achieve.”

She stares at me in surprise for a moment, then hastily collects her bag from the floor beside her chair.  She ducks past me with a whispered, “Thank you for your time,” and walks briskly down the hall.  I watch her go.  The yoga pants really do look nice on her.

My phone rings suddenly.  I check the screen–Ashley.  I smile and slide to answer.  “Hey honey.  You’re never gonna believe what just happened.”



  1. Yay! Go Bi … great start to the weekend!

  2. Until she propositioned you, I would’ve sworn she was a student in my class and that our conversation was almost exactly the same. I was considering writing a post about the end of the school year. Students just baffle me. It’s not been that long since I’ve been one and yet I wasn’t like that in school. I just don’t understand.

    And good on you for turning that down. Add this to the, “Ridiculous stuff my students say” file. 🙂

  3. I want to say I’m proud of you, but that almost feels insulting…I think because, even after everything you’ve written so far, I would have been surprised if you hadn’t turned her down…

  4. Ha! I wish I’d had the balls to proposition a prof when I was a kid. And i gotta say, turning someone down is pretty awesome.

    Also, despite her desperation for a better grade, you’re obviously “the hot professor” around those parts. Love it.

  5. Today you declined, would you have accepted a few months/years ago? If that is inappropriate to ask, I’ll withdraw the question. If it is inappropriate, what do you feel your ethics are? I am guessing that it is just infidelity that the boundary is pushed past?

    In your blog I’ve read pride in your abilities and the suffering as a husband. Which is perplexing – don’t you know you are to provide a nice little box for the reader to fit you in? I am quite sure that being a stereotype is quite standard and you are most remiss. Seriously though, I find it strange, I am the most submissive person I know, but you bring out the inner Domme I didn’t know I had. Which is a Monty Python episode just waiting to happen.

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  1. […] to write this piece of creative non-fiction for a while. It was actually a post I read over at Only Partly Erotic that inspired me to actually get on it. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, mainly […]

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