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It seems I’ve been given a blogging award by NatureOfTruth.  I’ve seen similar awards on other people’s blogs, so I’ve come to understand that there’s a certain protocol associated with receiving such things.  Almost like a chain letter, except no one dies if you don’t pass it along, and keeping it going shows your appreciation to the giver, and those to whom you give the award.  And I’m all about showing appreciation.  So, firstly, thank you, Nature–as I’ve said twice already, I’m happy just knowing that anyone reads my blog.  That people actually care enough to comment, much less give me any kind of recognition, is more than I hoped for.

And the award is:

Damn those censor bars.


The TMI Blog Award honors those blogs that discuss everything in detail and do it well. These bloggers aren’t afraid to discuss their most awkward, embarrassing and intimate experiences with honesty, humor and little to no filter.

Hmm.  Think I’d prefer it without the censor bars.

The rules:

  1. Thank the person who presented you with the award.
  2. Link back to the blogger who presented the award to you.
  3. Share an awkward, embarrassing and intimate story in 250 words or less.
  4. Copy and paste the blog award on your blog.
  5. Present the TMI Blog Award to 5 – 10 deserving blogs.
  6. Let them know they have been chosen by leaving a comment at their blog.

So I give this award to at least five other people that I think embody the spirit of the thing.  Very well.  I give this to:

  1. Hyacinth.  My mirror image, a digital doppelganger, the person I would be if I had no Y chromosome.  We would be partners in crime if we actually knew one another–Butch Cassidy to my Sundance.  Hers is the most open blog I’ve ever encountered, and is also the most sexually invigorating read on the Internet.  Plus those pictures drive me mad.  A shoe-in for such an award.
  2. Lynn.  The first blog I ever read here on WordPress, and the only one of the first bunch that I still read.  She is unabashedly honest and possessed of a remarkable wit.  I’d almost call her writing catty or bitchy, if I didn’t detect a distinct layer of sarcasm and humor under everything she writes.  I love her blog, and her morals make me laugh every damned time.
  3. SexualLifeOfAWife.  Here’s a woman who has no qualms with telling you precisely what turns her on, what she and her husband have been doing lately, and whether it’s been amazing or a horrible let-down.  (Fewer of the latter, of course.)
  4. Fuck.  There’s not much I can say about Fuck, except the guy really is a Schmuck.  Another honest read, exceptionally arousing, with a steady dose of what strikes me as slightly black humor.  I’m a huge fan.
  5. Fun-Sized.  At once self-deprecating and uplifting, if such a thing is possible, she is quite adept at making her readers connect with her on an emotional level.  That she does so, I believe, unintentionally is all the more amazing.  I want to tuck her away someplace safe and tell her she’s pretty, because she is.
  6. Gillian Colbert.  Alright, look.  Not every athlete can be Michael Jordan.  Not every singer can be Sinatra.  And not every blogger can be Gillian Colbert.  This chick is one of the best writers I’ve ever had the pleasure of discovering.  I put her up there with my favorite novelists, and so I give her yet another award.  You owe it to yourself to read her blog.  Seriously.  Stop reading, and go check her out.

And finally, an awkward, embarrassing and intimate story.  I think this applies.  Quick, poorly written, but awkward indeed.  Enjoy.

——————————————–

I close the door to my dorm room, drop my bag on the bed, and strip down to nothing.  There is no ceremony to it, no hesitance.  I’ve had the itch all goddamned day, ever since the cute redhead in Intro Zoo asked for my number this morning, five hours ago.  My roommate won’t be back from class for an hour and a half, so I intend to scratch it.

A few deft swipes of the mouse, an eager keystroke, and I’m buried to my eyeballs in digital pornography.  I am consistently amazed by the amount and variety of smut available for free online.  Gone are the days of hiding a copy of Hustler under my mattress, Polaroids of an online friend I’ve never met in an old PlayStation jewel case.  Thanks to my university’s T1 broadband connection, I now have quick and unlimited access to all the visual aid I could ever require.

I select a link that seems promising–“Chasey Lain takes two studs in both holes”–and set to work.  A little lube in the left hand, freeing up my right to manipulate the mouse without dirtying the device.  A few tentative strokes along my shaft, a quick circle around the head, to apply said lube.  In another two strokes, my cock is ready, and I ease into my usual pace, slow and steady, with a clockwise rotation at the top.  I watch the always reliable Ms. Lain submit to the aggressive advances of two beefy guys who put my own length to shame, the redhead’s smile dancing in the back of my mind.

The sound of keys in the door lock shake me out of my pleasure-induced trance.  I quickly look for something to cover myself, but my clothes are in a pile across the room.  No time.  I simply close the window and pretend to be working.

My roommate steps inside and tosses his bag aside.  “Class was cancelled.  Let’s play some Counter-Strike.”

“Umm…”

I hear him stop moving.  A moment’s pause, and he says, “Dude, are you jerking off?”

“…………………………Yes.  Yes I am.”

“Oh.”  Silence.  Then I hear the door open.  “No skeet skeet on my pillow.”  And he’s gone.

I consider the moment, and look down at my now flaccid member.  I give it a tentative stroke, but the lovely tingling has passed.  I sigh.  “Dammit.”  I throw my underwear on, stick my head out in the hall, and yell, “Dude, you fucked it up.  Let’s play Counter-Strike.”

My roommate rushes back to the room and hops on his computer.  “Awesome.  I’d hate for the terrorists to win because you have to get your nut.”

I pull the rest of my clothes back on and fire up Counter-Strike, though somehow, my hand on the mouse suddenly feels much less rewarding.

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15 Comments

  1. Bi – I love how you tell a story! Thank you, most humbly, you make me feel incredibly special and accomplished in the same breath.

    Best wishes,

    GC

  2. Bi… Great as always! And always love to hear about a man and his masturbation, so thank you!

    • You know, I find it difficult to write about masturbation, mainly because it’s so repetitive. Up, down… up, down… repeat.

  3. I love your writing…but your old roommate more…hilarious!

    • I have so many great stories about that guy. He was one of the goofiest, most random people I’ve ever known.

  4. Goddamn, I love roommates.

  5. Also, holy shit. What nice things you’ve written about me, Bi. I am not deserving of such high praise, naturally, but I will take it. xx

  6. Also, not to be out done by your show of affection, I have nominated you for dos awards. Have fun, my friend. I look forward to learning more of you. xx http://adissolutelifemeans.com/2012/03/31/im-a-dick-blogger/

  7. Ha ha – your story made me laugh out loud!
    Thank you for the shout out and I do hope to show you my appreciation of receiving in the coming week…
    Warm wishes
    SophiaX

  8. oh ty, I have been so out of it lately. ty.

  9. Oh, that story. I stifled my laughter. Congrats on your award. That story says you deserve it. 🙂

  10. thank you so much for the award bi. i REALLY appreciate your comments and your reading of the blog itself. you make me feel good (and warm in personal areas) when i read your stuff and when you flatter me.
    i am not very adept at the whole blogosphere and pasting an award, etc, but i will do what i can with it. and i have a story that is mortifying. ugh. was going to keep that one a secret. stay tuned.

    and thank you a million times for the award.

    cheers

    lynn

    • It’s my pleasure! I know it’s just a show of appreciation from one blogger to another (and a bid at the award’s creator to get more traffic), so you needn’t post anything if you don’t want to. Just thought I would give a bit of respect where it’s due.


2 Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. […] YOU to  sage and appreciative, Theo Black; my sweet and dirty object of affection and longing, Bimodal Tendancies; and the always enigmatic, yet loving mother hen, Gillian Colbert.  I am honored and touched that […]

  2. By TMI Blog Award: Redux « Black Door Press on 01 Apr 2012 at 2:00 am

    […] lovely and lyrical blogger that is Bimodal Tendencies has honored me with the TMI Blog award. This is my second go round on this particular podium and […]

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