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I recently received a message from a reader asking me for any insight I could provide on the nature of our shared sexual compulsions.  Unfortunately, I was unable to provide anything more than the usual directionless rants I often place here (I am, after all, not the greatest source of wisdom), but it got me thinking a bit about the choices I make regarding my extramarital affairs.

I seem to have two distinct “types” of women I pursue.  I use the term “type” loosely (hence the quoties), as I find the notion of shoehorning anyone into a category distasteful, but there seems to be a distinct dichotomy in the personalities of the women I find attractive  I describe the differences between them as follows:

  1. The Rebel.  This woman typically captures my interest by first displaying a complete disregard for social niceties.  She doesn’t worry about what people think.  We all do this, but she takes it to extremes of which most people are incapable.  She has her own thing, and if you don’t like it, you can fuck off.  Or not, because she couldn’t care less either way.
  2. The Good Girl.  This woman intrigues me by being genuinely kind.  She worries about what others think and feel, maybe too much at times.  She may judge other people, but not openly, and not to other people–it’s her own internal monologue, and she doesn’t let it stop her from being kind to the people she dislikes.  She tries to be considerate and understanding of the rights of others to choose and do as they wish.

These may sound like common personality types, but I assure you, they’re not.  I find that people that think of themselves as “rebels” tend to do so out of a strong urge to be different, which, in so doing, makes them just like every other rebel.  They often claim to not care what you think, but only because they want you to believe they’re unique and/or misunderstood.  And the “good girls”, well, I’m sure most of you can think of any number of high school stereotypes to refute that one.

I realize that this probably makes me sound like a biased prick.  Well, perhaps I am, but that’s not my intent.  My point is, most people have a personal agenda, especially when it comes to being perceived by others.  Truly having no concern for others’ negative opinions is a rare quality, as is the type of kindness that you can immediately sense is born of a sincere interest in you and your happiness.  And it is the genuine nature of these two personality extremes that suck me in.

Actually, you know what?  I’m going to retract that previous statement.  It’s not the genuine nature I find so appealing.  It’s the rarity.

Hell, let’s go back a bit more.  I suddenly wonder if my “types” are actually a byproduct of selecting for rarity.  Because, now that I truly consider it, I can remember a single thing about each woman I have ever loved–hell, every woman I have ever fucked–that first caught my attention.  A shaved head.  A laugh that moves in musical scales.  An exceptionally petite frame.  Characteristics that by most standards are uncommon.  That’s what piques my interest.  The intellect, the capacity to maintain a conversation, is what usually keeps it and defines whether I will pursue a relationship with a person.

Well, that just completely dashed my thesis statement.  My type is not defined by social consideration.  It’s defined by intellect combined with rarity.

See, this is why I don’t like shoehorning people into categories, because upon inspection, such categories inevitably fail.  I feel like I should go back and delete everything I just wrote.  But damn, that’s a lot of writing.

This post has become my blog’s Leaning Tower.  It’s the Challenger.  A perfect example of what can happen as a result of poor planning and implementation, even in writing.

Perhaps there’s a way to salvage this shipwreck.

…………………………………nope, nothing comes to mind.

My original goal was to end at this point:  Maintaining clandestine relationships is exciting.  Can you see how I was going to get there?

That’s okay, neither do I.

I apologize, dear readers, for unintentionally dragging you through the disorganized clutter that is my thought process.  As recompense, I will have another post up tomorrow afternoon.  But you deserve some immediate reward for your patience.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Conway Twitty.



  1. Thanks for the song Bi. I love old school country.

    And dear, your thought process is what makes you special. We want to know what goes on in the brain of yours, whether it’s where you thought you wanted to go, or where you ended up. Doesn’t matter to us…

    • My brain can be a terrifying place at times. 🙂

      And, of course, thanks for the compliment. I’m not sure how anyone could enjoy that post, but I’m glad you do!!!

  2. Love how you tossed it to Conway

    • Wish I could take credit for originality there, but the idea came from Family Guy. 🙂 Though admittedly, I do enjoy some old-school country now and again.

      How are things in your neck of the woods?

      • Beautiful and warm. Looks like we’ve run out of winters here.

  3. Bi – Have you noticed the quote on my home page … “The art of writing is the art of discovering what you believe” by Gustave Flaubert. You didn’t go off track, you went exactly where you needed to go and discovered your true beliefs on the subject. I say well done.

    • That’s a good one. Though I still prefer to be a bit more organized and directed in my writing. This is what happens when I let my fingers do the walking, so to speak!

      And thank you, Gillian. That’s a huge compliment coming from you!

        • Gillian Colbert
        • Posted March 3, 2012 at 4:23 pm
        • Permalink

        I think that’s the scientist in you coming through … the scientific method and all that. But, in creative writing and as an essayist (which is what we do online as bloggers) you have to go where the words take you, otherwise discovery is lost.

        I love your blog and the evolution is a pleasure to follow

  4. THIS is the kind of writing I live for. Don’t stop… or god forbid apologize.

    • Ha! Well, just keep up with me then, because I’m sure you will see dozens of similarly undirected posts in the future! 🙂

      Thanks for the compliment, by the way!

        • natureoftruth
        • Posted March 3, 2012 at 1:34 pm
        • Permalink

        It’s misdirection that leads to clarity, sweetheart. I know from experience. And the compliment was more than deserved – my pleasure.

  5. No need to apologize, I liked your post as well. Including the song 🙂 – and you sound like you have a very special and good taste concerning your female companions ….. (and I’ve just been wondering whether I could be considered as “rare”).

  6. I concur with all the other commenters. If I had to pick a “type” I’d go crazy. The closest I could come to narrowing it down is focusing on the men that keep me coming back because men are just men otherwise, nothing special to differentiate them for me. So, on that note, it’d be a big, beautiful cock and an elusive heart.

Thoughts? Put them here.

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