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Have you ever heard of sexsomnia?  If not, don’t feel bad.  I hadn’t either, until I started doing it.

I’ll never forget the first time I found out I did this.  I’d been sleeping rather poorly for weeks, uninterrupted but not restfully.  I never felt like I had slept enough, whether it was 4 or 10 hours in the sack, and I took a lot of afternoon naps on my off days.  It had been going on for months, and I was beginning to reach a constant state of exhaustion wherein everything was hazy and nothing felt quite real.

One morning, I left the bedroom to find Ashley in the kitchen, making breakfast, in her skimpy black silk Victoria’s Secret robe.  She was listening to Michael Buble on her iPod dock and singing to herself.  She’s not usually much of a morning person, so to see her in such a good mood before noon was a real rarity.  Also, given her wardrobe selection, I assumed she was feeling a little amorous.  I wasn’t going to waste such an opportunity.  I snuck up behind her, wrapped my arms around her waist, and kissed her shoulder.  “Good morning, sexy.”

“Hey you,” she answered, rubbing her cheek against mine.  “Did you sleep well?”

“Of course not,” I said, “but maybe I can take a nap here in a while.”  I kissed her shoulder again.

“Not until after breakfast!”  She continued cooking, but I could hear the playfulness in her voice.  A good sign.  I tested the waters by sliding my hands down to her bare thighs and moving up just barely below the hem of her robe while nipping her nape lightly.  She giggled and squirmed in my arms, elbowing me in the ribs and casting a good-natured glare over her shoulder.  “Stooooop, haven’t you had enough already?  I’m sore enough as it is!”

I blinked.  “Wait………… what?”

“I think we might have thrown my hip out of whack,” Ashley continued as though I hadn’t said anything.  “I need to recouperate!”

Confused doesn’t quite capture what I was feeling.  Befuddled maybe.  Use whatever term you like.  “Umm, what are you talking about?”

Another elbow in the ribs.  “Shut up and eat your breakfast.”

“No, seriously, what are you talking about?”  I let her go and took a step back.  She turned to face me, confusion and amusement vying for control of her face, until she saw my expression.

“Wait, are you serious?  You don’t remember last night?”

“Obviously not.”

She sat the plate down and crossed her arms.  “You don’t remember rolling me over onto my stomach and making love to me?”

“Pretty sure I would remember something like that,” I answered crossly.  “You had to be dreaming or something.”

“Ahh, no, I didn’t.”  Ashley pulled the shoulder of her robe to the side, revealing an angry purple bruise.  I’d call it a hickey, but this was way too intense for that term.  “You bit the shit out of my shoulder, pinned my upper body to the bed, and took me from behind.”  She covered up the mark and folded her arms again.  “It was pretty fucking hot.”

Holy shit.

We chalked it up as a one-time thing, owing to my general state of stress and exhaustion.  But a few days later it happened again, when she was unwilling to cooperate, and I woke to her pushing me away violently and telling me to go back to sleep.  I remember sitting up in bed, dazed, uncertain of what had happened, but ultimately going back to sleep.  And the cycle continued for months.  Most of the time, I would never remember anything happening at all.  The few times I did remember, it was like a dream, or it was a dream wherein I was making love to Ashley, or someone else.  She would tell me the next morning, “You did it again,” and look at me with a worried expression.

I finally looked into it, because it was beginning to worry us both.  Turns out, it’s a recognized sleep disorder, a form of parasomnia, in the same class as sleep-walking.  Somnambulistic sexual activity, caused by a deficiency in the sleep-period dopamine production that causes most people to be effectively paralysed while sleeping.  Mine was a mild case because Ashley could wake me up, but more severe cases had been documented wherein sufferers had raped unwilling victims in their sleep.

Again, holy shit.

I saw my doctor about it, and as it happens, I was his second case of odd parasomnia.  He said it could be induced by stress at home and at work (which, admittedly, had increased over the past several months), and he told me that as long as I was waking up, it shouldn’t be anything to be concerned about.  He suggested I try taking melatonin before bed and try some breathing relaxation exercises before bed.  Superstitious hoakum, but I gave it a shot.

Over time, my episodes occurred less frequently, and to date I haven’t tried to molest Ashley in my sleep in almost three months.  Surprisingly, she’s slightly disappointed by this, as the notion that I wanted her so badly that my body pursued her even when my mind had checked out was somewhat arousing to her.  (Not as surprising as I originally thought, given our recent discussion about her pain during sex, but still.)  I’ve never quite figured out what causes these seemingly random episodes.  I figure it may be an extension of my general sexual obsession, my physical body acting out my subconscious desires, but that seems somehow too Freudian for my liking.  Whatever the reason, it’s certainly one of the more interesting things someone can experience.  And it gives me a damn good reason to exclude my future children from the bedroom when daddy is sleeping.

Not my usual entry, I know, but Ashley brought it up during our Skype session this evening, so I felt compelled to share.  I’d be interested to hear if any of you have experienced something similar, as the fucker or the… umm… fuck-ee?  Is that right?  I don’t know.


  1. That is crazy! I’ve never heard of anything like that before and sleep walking is one thing, but sleep sexing is a whole different thing. It’s good that you’ve got it more under control (though I guess not as good for Ashley, but it probably feels better to have control when you’re sleeping!)

    • She handled it like a trooper for a long time, before finally convincing me to go to the doctor about it, in case I got worse. Now that I only rarely have an episode, she remembers it fondly, as though it were a strange subconscious compliment.

  2. i sleep talk when im tired, worrying that my partner will hear me murmuring some other guy’s name hahaha.. your condition is rare, but this is hot. unless you get very violent in bed hehe..

  3. Very unusual but I agree with Ashley it seams like a pretty hot disorder if you’re not slipping into dangerous mode.

    Nymphchronicles, I worry about the same thing as a sleep talker. Will I let my secrets escape my lips durring slumber? Scary thought

    • There were a few evenings wherein I awoke to find Ashley and I in the middle of some amazingly intense fucking. Pornstars wish they could do it that good.

      The best part is, Ashley could always tell when I woke up. The best line from her at the moment of awakening was something to the effect of, “Thanks for joining me sexy. Now that you’re conscious, would you mind flipping me over?”

      She’s got a good sense of humor.

  4. Huh… no, never heard of this at all. See? Learn something new every day.

    • It’s wonderful gothic literature. If you can get past the exceptionally verbose language and occasionally archaic vocabulary, Lovecraft has some great stories to tell.

  5. I know I suffer from what did you call it? “Sexosomnia”.

    It is strange. When I tell men I bed that they have to leave as I don’t want them to spend the night (my reasons are twofold, I don’t want them to think I want to be in a relationship with them and the other is I have been known to “rape” the man in my bed), and if I do explain that I have problems while sleeping, they get excited.

    Till it actually happens. I use them while they are sleeping.

    Then they get upset and angry because I was not “there” with them.

    I’ve always had strange sleeping patterns where I fall asleep into a dead slumber, and wake fully rested no matter what I’ve done during the night from baking, cooking, cleaning, sex, horse back riding….

    I’ve just never met another person who has sex with a bedmate before while sleeping!!!! Thanks for sharing!!!

    • It’s the damnedest thing, isn’t it? I mean, I get people who sleepwalk, or sleep drive, or whatever. But having sex, in your sleep. I still can’t believe this is something I do without waking up, especially after climax!!

      It’s always nice to know you’re not alone in something. ^_^

    • sexuallifeofawife
    • Posted February 1, 2012 at 5:35 pm
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    • Reply

    Yes, I have heard of it. A guy was recently found not guilty of raping a 16 year old girl who was sleeping in his bed ( nowhere else was available in the house) Seems he’d had a history of sexosomnia.
    Interesting that Ashley seemed disappointed that it wasn’t still happening. Maybe she likes it (sometimes!) when you force the issue somewhat…

    • I have so many mixed feelings on that case.

      As for Ashley, she’s taken great thrill in having her hands bound above her head on the bed and being blindfolded in the past. I think there’s a little bit of a submissive in her, but she has a hard time really letting go of control. That’s okay with me though, as I don’t relish the idea of fully dominating anyone. I’d rather have a 50/50 partner!

  6. I really love your writing style. And I totally concur with BimodaTendancies, mix feeling on that case.

  7. Just discovered your blog, so forgive the comment on the “ancient” post. But I’ve been with a man who did this… sort of. I would wake to him fondling my boobs, get extremely turned on and ready to go only to realize he’d been tweaking my tits in his sleep. Never one to waste a good work up, I’d continue where he left off. He woke up with his cock buried inside me on several occasions and asked what was going on. “You started it” was always my answer. 😉

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