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Here’s something totally off the wall.

I love signing in and see that someone has “Liked” a recent post, but even more exciting is when I get that notice that “MYSTERYBLOGGERX247 has followed your blog!”  It’s thrilling, and I have earned many more followers and regular readers in two weeks than I expected to garner in a year!  Bless you all!

But I noticed something tonight.  Something unsettling, disturbing… perhaps even frightening.  My followers… are changing.

I first noticed it two days ago.  I had a new follower, and my heart leapt.  But the bottom of the popup bubble said, “…plus XX more, for a total of YY followers!”  And I thought to myself, “Huh… I had YY before, didn’t I?”  I brushed it off, attributing it to some strange programming flaw in the html script.

But then the morrow came, and I had another new follower.  But still, only YY total.  Odd.

And now, another follower.  Yet only YY total.

Now I am worried.

There are two possible explanations for this.  One is that, as my fellow bloggers discover and begin to read my work, they think, “Oh, this fellow is clever and insightful!  I shall follow his antics!”  And they Follow.  But then they read the rest of my work, and they think, “Oh my, this fellow is a cad!”  And they Unfollow, as a new reader Follows, keeping the balance even.

That’s the more plausible explanation.

But I worry that, maybe, something is happening to my followers.  I wonder if, in the process of reading my work, they have somehow changed.  Their usernames mutate, their avatars morph, and they adopt new personalities, new identities, as a product of reading my blog.  In that case, then my work must be classified as a new disease, a virus spreading electronically through my words.  I am a digital Typhoid Mary.  The first of my kind. I am corrupting the blogosphere, abducting innocent bystanders and curious explorers and turning them into something else.  I may be the beginning of the Internet Zombie Apocalypse.  The computational avatar of Nyarlathotep, my inky chaos seeping into their profiles and changing who they are at the most fundamental of levels.  If this is the case, then I must be stopped, before each you begin hearing the horrible scratching behind your drywall and shrieking obscenities in languages lost since before recorded history.

………………………………………okay, sorry.  I had to get that out of my system.

By the way, if you got the references at the end of that rant, you are my new favorite person.



  1. To the blogger known as It’s Not Me, It’s You–YOU ARE NOW FOLLOWER YY. Don’t go changin’.

  2. I haven’t created a new persona but when I do I’ll follow as both. Double prizes! And I had to Google the reference but you and the BF could totally geek out together. BTW he sleep fucks but generally wakes mid-coitus. Funny part is that he totally butters me up with the sweetest words before the poke. He never remembers the words but I’m going with they are all true 😉

  3. I didn’t think I could like you more and then you wrote this. Fun read and I love a good Zombie apocalypse refrence. This post would make Mr. Lovecraft proud.

  4. Lol, I am so not your new favorite person. Went right over my head. I did change my name, and probably will again, I blogged about it. I don’t want to have my tits up in everyone’s grill. I don’t want to take a family post and turn it into “Girls! Girls! Girls!” without fair warning.

    @ Whtietrashgourmet, you inspired me on this, I wanted to make a comment on you Core Followers blog, but felt too x-rated. I will try to say it soon.

    • It’s okay, not everyone can be as cultured as I and TT. 😉 (Just kidding!)

      Also, I wanted to stress that you’re not stupid.

  5. You are funny. Very. On the sleep fucking thing. I’d love to be woken up in the middle of the night being fucked by schmuck. I’ve woken myself up coming in my sleep – that’s a nice free present. I know that’s not what you were saying in your post – but just in the name of sharing ….. F xxx

    • It’s certainly a different sensation, waking up in the midst of lovemaking. It’s incredibly disconcerting, but you feel so good that you really just can’t stop!

  6. LOL 🙂 You know I ran a network for about 4/5 years and people came and went. Pay it no mind.

  7. You crack me up! I won’t be leaving, and I’m hoping that I don’t turn into a zombie…

  8. Been there … we all go through it. I’m signing up, so do I get to be ZZ?

    • You jest, but this is an ongoing epidemic! As my newest follower, YOU are now YY!

      I hope the HTML script just takes a while to catch up. I really don’t want to be driven to madness in the service of a Great Old One.

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