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Sorry I took a little time off there.  I needed to think about a few things.

I received an e-mail from someone who read The Mile High Club Has a Secret Knock.  I won’t copy and paste the whole thing, but rest assured, it was a nasty piece of work.  To summarize, she is a 24-year-old woman who just found out that her new husband of two years has been cheating on her.  Thus, speaking from experience, she told me that I am a horrible human being (as I have long suspected) for doing the things that I do, then “bragging” about them on a blog, because I will never know what it’s like to be betrayed so deeply by the person you love.  Yours truly, Angry Woman.

Well.  Allow me to retort.

Point the first.  To suggest that I don’t know betrayal is a ridiculous assumption.  I haven’t written about it yet (though I’m sure I will), but I’ve long believed that the source of my pseudo-addiction is having been betrayed by every girl I thought I loved (except Ashley, who redefines what it means to be a good person).  That sort of thing can really fuck a kid up.  I have been betrayed, Angry Woman, and I have betrayed, as I’m sure you have at some point.  Maybe not by cheating, but by lying, by gossiping, by ridiculing.  I don’t know anyone who hasn’t betrayed someone at some point, and I’ve known people who were one miracle away from sainthood.  So please, although I recognize that I may be a horrible example of a human being, don’t assume it’s because I know nothing about betrayal, and don’t assuage your anger at your husband by accusing me of being a stereotypical scumbag.  I may be a scumbag, but I am anything but stereotypical.  (Does that make sense?  I think it does.)

Point the second.  If you think this blog is about “bragging”, then you haven’t been reading.  You’ve been selectively scanning the entries looking for something to be angry about.  This blog has never, and will never, be a chronicle of my conquests, because they will never be conquests.  Well, maybe the events that happened within a relationship or that were otherwise not cheating.  But every one of my affairs–past, present, and future–is a mistake.  I won’t deny that they were (usually) exciting and intensely pleasurable, but I don’t look upon them with a sense of accomplishment.  I (usually) remember them, as I described in one comment, bittersweetly.  Something that should not have happened, but that now defines my history and makes me who I am today.  I like who I am, but not what I have done, and I would never brag about hurting people the way I have.  That’s the mark of a sociopath.

No, this blog is about me telling the goddamn truth for once in my life.  It’s almost a confessional, except that it’s not intended to absolve me in any  way.  It’s just a place for me to put my stories.  Why do I write so many of them as prose?  So that I can read them later and see the experience from another vantage.  Why do I post them?  Well, that I don’t know.  I get a little thrill every time I see a new comment, whether it’s the usual contributors or new readers, compliments on my writing or someone calling me out on the liberties I took in the story, a casual remark or a deeper analysis.  I do love that people read this, and I find the compliments, and occasional insults, give me a new kind of high.  The honesty I put into this blog has attracted more followers than I had ever thought (again, thank you all), and it makes me want to write more, to tell every story I have, the good and the bad, to completely recount the sexual rollercoaster that is my life.

(Oh yeah, that reminds me of getting a handjob on the Superman coaster at Six Flags.  Wow, I totally forgot that one.  See what I mean about “usually” remembering?  Okay, moving on.)

Angry Woman, I am truly sorry for your experience.  I am sorry that you gave so much of yourself to your husband, only to have him betray you.  I know what that pain feels like, and I would never wish it on anyone.  I hope you and your husband can find a way to resolve this, to repair the damage and come through stronger than ever.  If not, I hope your anger doesn’t consume you.  But, when you focus your anger on me as a surrogate for “men everywhere”, you really leave me no choice but to tell you to take your shit elsewhere.  Constructive criticism, and even harsh rebukes, I can take.  Accusations, not so much.

I’m working on another My Life As Fiction entry (a really good one, I think) and hope to have it up by tomorrow.  Spoiler alert: It’s about sex.  Best wishes to you all, readers.

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10 Comments

  1. Sorry to hear about Angry Woman. At 24 you’re still just a kid really and to have got married at 22 is insanity. At 22 I was out – all the time – and I’d urge her to do the same. As for you, I haven’t had the pleasure of reading everything you have written yet but I find your entries interesting and stimulating (in more ways than one!). Much like you the passwordsand lies blog is a journal of sexual thoughts and actions and ideas outside of marriage. It’s happening right this minute. Being a Londoner I don’t have any sweet Christian values to uphold and being me I don’t feel that what I’m doing is a mistake – at all. I think monogamy is a mistake personally – all invented by the Christians a long time ago for political crowd control. The pagans and romans had a better and sexier idea – don’t you think? The long and the short of it is; you are who you are and it’s for you to write your truth. Good for you. As for me I’m preparing for a hotel meeting wtih schmuck tomorrow (possibly with another girl for company). I’m excited about her joining and look forward to MFF but admit that I have a niggling feeling that I’m being used all at the same time…what’s a girl to do? xxx

    • “The pagans and romans had a better and sexier idea–don’t you think?”

      If by better and sexier you mean orgies and open relationships, then yes. If you mean animal sacrifice, I’d have to disagree. 😉

      “What’s a girl to do?”

      I would suggest cardio and stretching. You’ll be glad you did once you get to the hotel.

      Thanks for the support, by the way! I expect to see the hotel story in your blog!

  2. I am sorry you got that email. She sounds naive to me. I mean people “cheat” if you call it that. I agree with every thing you said except that all your affairs were mistakes, I mean maybe they were for you. But the world has this kind of fucked up idea of what people are capable of achieving and often they thing our goal should be a life of complete and total boredom and that is seen as “good”

    From my own perspective, I don’t regret any of my affairs. I mean I don’t do that anymore because my husband now is awesome but when I was with my ex I did it all the time with really wonderful people that I am glad I know. They weren’t mistakes, maybe my ex was the mistake lol. idk.

    • Meh, it’s okay. When I started this up I expected to catch a certain amount of hell, just not so soon. The readership has really taken off faster than I ever anticipated!

      I do view most my affairs as mistakes. Not all of them, necessarily, as there were a few that were the result of learning new and uncomfortable truths about past relationships and myself, but certainly those committed while in a supposedly monogamous relationship, and especially while with Ashley. But, as a previous commenter pointed out, when you’re not getting it at home…

      Doesn’t justify it, mind you. I’m just saying. 🙂

      Thanks for weighing in MsTitty!

      • Really? I think it totally justifies it. I mean I am not trying to be arguing with you but, isn’t that kind of part of a relationship, or a big part of a relationship? Isn’t that the difference between a lover and a friend?

      • It is, and I’ve often remarked that, without physical intimacy, my and Ashley’s marriage feels more like living with a close relative than a spouse. You’re definitely right, at least from my perspective. I just don’t think I can ever fully justify cheating on Ashley, try as I might, because I meant it when I swore to be faithful to her on our wedding day. I’ve failed miserably, but I did mean it!

        And don’t worry about arguing with me. I’m a big fan of your blog and have quite a bit of respect for you, MsT, so I always welcome your comments! 🙂

  3. but didn’t she promise to fuck you? I mean obviously not in the wedding vows out loud, but isn’t it implied? It’s weird, I don’t relate to sex that way. I can’t imagine saying no like that, inside a relationship.

    • That’s certainly part of the marriage covenant. But, then again, I can’t really say that I would never have cheated on her even if she were as sexually active as I am. Hence my hesitance to justify my behavior with her sudden onset asexuality.

  4. Curious, and delete this if it upsets you, but I am a curious girl. I haven’t said this on my blog yet, but my father is a sex addict, and that is a hard thing to be, no pun intended.

    I can’t see myself feeling guilty if I wasn’t getting any at home. I know what it is like to feel guilty because you are getting it at home and you are loved and you are still fucking around.

    I probably shouldn’t say this. But I am, because I always do things I shouldn’t.

    Sex is a fuck of thing though. It is pretty powerful.

    • I feel guilty because, regardless of what our physical intimacy may be like, I love Ashley so much it makes me ache. I describe her as a saint, and as redefining what it means to be a good person, because she really is one of the kindest, most caring people I have ever known. I know that one wrong move will result in her hating me for the rest of her life, and that terrifies me, so I feel guilt, and fear, every time an affair has ended. But I really can’t help myself. I don’t know if it’s because I’m addicted to it, or if I’m just weak and selfish. Maybe a bit of both. Maybe neither. Hard to say.

      I’m not implying that anyone who disagrees with me is wrong, or that anyone who cheats is a bad person. I would never, EVER pass judgement on someone else for something I do too, and I can imagine scenarios in which, to me, cheating is fully justifiable. Mine is just not one of them.

      Additionally, you will never need to justify your comments here, MsT. You won’t upset me!


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