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Let me preface the following by saying that I’m not really sure why I’m writing this.  Part of me thinks that it might be therapeutic.  Another part of me thinks I just want to get my thoughts down.  Another part of me thinks it might just be a turn-on to finally tell the full truth about myself.  I don’t really know.  But I’ve been thinking about starting this blog for a while now, and for whatever reason, I’m finally following through with it.  It’s sort of a big leap for me.

Also, I imagine this blog is going to be rather unpredictable.  Right now, I just want to write about my thoughts and what I’m feeling.  But I’m sure I will also recount stories because, as I mentioned above, it’s a bit of a turn-on to share these intimately private details in their full truth.  Maybe I’m also a bit of an exhibitionist on top of everything else.  So, if you’re reading this, be prepared.  You’ll surely end up seeing a lot of foul language and adult content.

I should also state that, due to the sensitive and intimate nature of what I will be writing, certain measures will be necessarily taken to protect the identity of all of the people involved in my posts.  No real names will ever be used, no real locations.  The main points and details will be otherwise 100% accurate.  This is being written for my benefit only, so there’s no need to endanger the reputations of other people, and there’s no reason to fabricate the truth.

So, who am I.  I’m an American male from the southwest, now pushing 30.  I’m not model material, but I’m handsome enough to be considered attractive, or so I’ve been told.  (This comes from other sources.  I’m really no good at assessing my own appearance.)  I was raised in a highly religious background and still consider myself a believer.  I attended a small rural school.  I earned a bachelor’s degree from a state school, a Master’s degree from elsewhere, and am now working on a science-related Doctorate.  I have been happily married for several years to a woman who is truly my best friend and the great love of my life.  And I am a sex addict.

At least, I think I am.  I think most psychiatrists are quacks, so I won’t go and be formally diagnosed.  But I am sufficiently self-aware to recognize that I have a certain dependency upon sex.  It’s my go-to form of relaxation.  It’s what I do when I’m bored, or when I want to take a break from work.  It’s what I think about 90% of my day, and what I crave if I go more than a day without it.  It’s the thing that I want more than all else, yet attaining it frequently places my relationships and long-term happiness at risk, or outright ruins them.  Perhaps it’s not a true addiction in the strictest sense of the definition, but my desire for, and pursuit of, sexual activity has certainly shaped more of my life than would seem healthy for your average person.

I take great pleasure from sex.  Sort of obvious, I know, but that simple statement can pretty much sum up everything I want this blog to reflect.  I love being close to others.  I crave it, in fact.  And there is no closer intimacy than that of consensual sexual intercourse.  I don’t objectify those people with whom I have been sexually involved because that would ruin the moment.  I also don’t find much enjoyment in bondage/discipline fetishes, and the idea of hurting someone for my own pleasure, or theirs, strikes me as wrong in every possible level.  (I would never judge another person for finding pleasure in these activities, mind you.  What takes place between two consenting adults is their own business.  I’m merely establishing my own proclivities.)  But pretty much everything else is fair game for me.  One-on-one, threesomes, or larger groups.  Heterosexual, bisexual, or homosexual.  (Edit:  I self-identify as heterosexual, though my pornography collection does have a few not-quite-hetero pieces.)  One night stands or extended interactions.  Whatever gives me that sense of closeness, of truly being with another person.

What, then, do I hope to accomplish with this blog.  Maybe I want to find like-minded people and know I’m not alone in this.  Maybe I need a sounding board for my thoughts, something to make me feel better about this all-consuming obsession.  Hell, maybe I just get off on it.  Frankly, I don’t know.  But I know I want to be honest, somewhere, somehow.  I think it’s enough that I’m actually writing this, following through with something I’ve been wanting to do for a while.  I’ll leave it up to whoever reads this to decide what it’s for.  Maybe it’ll mean more to you than to me.  Maybe you’ll be shocked and horrified by my exploits.

I frequently am.

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4 Comments

  1. hi,

    i really appreciate your honesty in what you’re writing and i know that it must be really difficult and yet at the same time, a big relief to be able to express yourself in this way. it’s hard to keep all this stuff bottled up inside. i guess that’s what some blogs are for.

    i’ve been married twice and i think sex is an important part of being married and if you’re not getting it from your partner, you’re going to look elsewhere. it’s just a fact. so rather than flog yourself repeatedly for everything you’re doing, know that your wife has some culpability as well.

    but i get what you’re saying and for a while thought of myself as a bit of a sex addict.

    i hope, through the blog, you can discover more about yourself. i will be reading it.

    cheers

    lynn

    • Thanks for the support. I do feel that Ashley has to bear some of the responsibility for my behavior, but I can’t bring myself to say, “I’m fucking another woman because of what YOU did.” I recognize that I am guilty of cheating on her, regardless of my reasons and whether I feel I am justified. Which I don’t, but I do it anyway.

      Still, thank you. It’s reassuring to know that other people can look in on my situation and have sympathy rather than contempt.

  2. I appreciate your point of view. I would say I fall into that category, but I express most of that directly through my marriage and the rest of it through my art. It is an enduring addiction that becomes as much of a need physically as food and water. We are made to express it, some more than others, but I do think as with anything in life it is important to find the balance and prevent the need from ruling life. Easier said than done, and I respect that battle. Thanks for visiting my work

  3. Interesting. I look forward to reading yours and you mine. Perhaps I’m a sex addict too? ‘fuck’ from fuckabdaschmuck x


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