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I haven’t been myself lately.

I keep going over the past three entries here, and I find them to be decidedly depressing.  Almost bordering on what I would describe as “emo”.  Which is not something to which I aspire in my writing, or my life in general.

People comment on how I’m always whistling or singing or humming to myself as I walk, and how I’m always smiling, a characteristic my colleague describes as though I “know some grand secret the rest of the world would die to learn”.  I’m in good physical condition, and not unattractive (though, again, I still don’t see what women see in me).  I have a great career that feels more like play than work.  I travel and experience more of the world in a year than most people will experience in their entire lives.  I don’t really have much to be unhappy about.

I am a happy person, goddammit.  That really needs to come across more in my writing again.  Not this… whatever the hell it is that’s been seeping into my blog for the past couple of weeks.  I could have talked about all the free time I spent with Pretty Graduate Student during my separation from Ashley, about the publication I got accepted, about new classes I’m teaching at the university… but no, I chose to focus on the most depressing aspect of my current situation.

Not sure if that needs to change or not, but you have my apologies, all the same.  Perhaps after tonight things will begin to take a more positive spin here at Only Partly Erotic.

By the way, for some reason, I really dig this title.  If not myself, then who am I.  (There’s a lesson to be had there, but for the life of me, I can’t see it.)

8 Comments

  1. I always say you talk about the things that are the most important to you. At the moment, this is important. It lends itself to other people offering you some kind emotional support. I always appreciate reading all aspects of someone’s life not just the happy parts. Good luck. :)

  2. I’ve felt similarly about my blog. I even wrote about it – how I hated the turn my writings had taken, all caught up in boy-bullshit. I break it up with old stories, and random musings. And I’m really fucking funny, goddamnit. I’m pretty sure that never comes across in my blog. Or my modesty. Or humility. But seriously, blogging voices will have a dominant one, like being right or left handed, I think.

    In any case, don’t sweat it. I know this is only one sliver of you. I’m sure I’m not alone in that. Keep whistling, motherfucker. xx

  3. Writing is often therapeutic… You are probably writing about what you need to write about…
    People usually prefer to write about what is either fantastic or awful in their lives…

  4. It is what it is Bi. You write well, and your voice is engaging. You could probably write about donkey shit, and we’d still all read. Write what must be written, and, one way or another, you will soon be back to writing sexcapades, making girls all over the place cream their jeans…

    • I’d like to super LIKE this. Donkey shit, indeed. LSAM’s right.

  5. ‘Spin’? This is what I ended up struggling with. Is the blog just pure entertainment and therefore like a newspaper column? Like you I sitll had many amusing stories to tell (some current/some past) that would make excellent reading. Once you get to the heart of the matter (as you are now) it isn’t simply the fun and the frivoulous is it? I think that’s OK. Personally I didn’t want to bare my soul but that’s just me and I didn’t want to just entertain either, so I took a step back. We are all more tham bodies and impulses which is why there is more depth to fucking – that’s life. That’s real. Don’t apologise for being human. xxx

  6. I agree with the others about the fact that you were writing what needed to be written in the moment. Whether you found it therapeutic, or you were just trying to figure things out, you were essentially writing for you. Which is the best kind, I think. Don’t get me wrong, I love the “cream the jeans” stories as much as the rest, but I also appreciate the depth and context you’ve given your blog by showing the more vulnerable side. You really are a real person. :)

  7. I have known some men with really good lives. At least on the outside. People who enjoy the best of the best, who win big awards, awards that would even impress you. They get emo too. We are people not television commercials. I know what you mean, I have gotten pretty depressing myself. I have felt guilty for it, but it is real.


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